JOSHUA! WE ARE SO BREAKING UP!
what?
YOU'RE DRUNK AGAIN, ARENT YOU?!
Chicago was legit, ate some badass pizza and gave a cig to a crackhead..its all i thought it would be
From the prices on this menu it looks like I have no choice. I have to blow him.
You ordered 6 boxes of pizza and laughed in the pizza guys face when you didn't pay for any of them.
nope, if she's going to skank it up with ginge-a-saurus douche she deserves the silent treatment.
I've given up for the day already. I just wanna eat cheesecake and hide from her.
Went into Walmart to get a pregnancy test. Came out with a beta fish and chocolate.
Also, you need to stop getting hammered and taking showers with people.
I just hip-checked Santa and stole his cab.
Hydrocodon makes you feel like a fairy made out of pudding
The convent might be a nice break from real life
I forgot to tell you, that tinder guy literally lives 15 floors beneath me. I have been creepily saying things to him like "I see youve got a hammer on the patio"
Yeah. I hurt his pride. But he's not over it. And by it I mean me.
All three of the bartenders here have screwed my boss, so he's definitely gay. Unfortunately for you he seems to have a type and you're not it.
His butt is perfect. Like a twelve on a scale of one to ten. No idea about his personality or anything but that ass... I'm keeping him.
Randomize
