apparently i walked up to the counter, put $30 worth of snacks next to this girl, and went 'uhh i have no money'
it was great that she threw up because that made me the only one trying to hook up with her
Found a guy passed out on the coffee table with a thong duct taped from ear to ear.
i had to take off my light up shamrock necklaces, my professor was getting suspicious.
I just don't understand how a line to ride a camel on a college campus could be too long for you to wait in.
What's the appropriate way to phrase "If you ever leave your wife give me a call. But we can still have sex periodically until then."??
I asked for a steak knife but the waitress could see in my eyes it was a bad idea
I'm so excited for post-beer fest chipotle. It will be better than scared shitless pre-go karting chipotle.
I wish to strangle
whoa there darth vader
And that kids is the last time I ever try to outdrink Germans
We had sex and then I offered him a cookie...while he was still inside of me. Basically he's in love
You will drink beer in a kiddie pool in your back yard but you wont bring a girl home
I'm the catering manager, it's not my job to stop 2 teenagers from fucking in the bathroom. I couldn't bring myself to stop that sort of young romance anyway, that's what I pay you people for
Apparently, Lolla sends you an email every time you use your wristband to buy a beer.
21 new emails...yikes
You know its a good night when ur woken up by the bartender asking you how he ended up at your house
Randomize
