My nipple is on Facebook.
Pre-pickelized cucumber-hand invasion!! RUN!!!!!!!!!!
I just woke up. In the port-o-potty next to our tailgate. an hour after the game started. explain.
You kept spitting the skittles out cause you said they tasted like "balls of sandpaper"
She can't really be mad at me. I made you two sisters... Dick sisters.
I don't remember much, but my night is dated pre-Jaeger and post-Jaeger. Also, my boss may or may not have tucked me in.
I JUST SAW A SIGN LANGUAGE CATFIGHT
2nd fun fact: he has a square tan line around his dick.
Safe to say I relapsed into my old chatroulette drunk flashing days.
Just sucked a bong hit straight from my girlfriends mouth & pretended I was a Dementor. Life just 87% more like HP.
Got high with dad and hunted squirrels in the basement. Is this seriously what my life has come to?
I can say with 87% certainty that i received one of the world's five greatest blow jobs since the Coolidge administration on Saturday night.
My mom just made me promise her that i'll care about the next guy I sleep with
We did Irish Car Bombs out of butter trays, the influence of the retired community is astounding- I didn't know people even owned more than one butter tray.
I am drunk and aggressive about the olympixs
It's spelled Olympics
Randomize
