I want to see a picture of the girl worth ruining our relationship for
This kristen chick is fuckin nuts. She's pyscho. She's a trainwreck. She carries baggage. She's... Perfect.
i cant finish this easy-mac because i need it for a chaser.
He shouted my World of Warcraft name while we were having sex, and he was sober.
Literally just stood in the shower and forgot what to do. that hungover.
I thought we agreed, no more super glueing action figures to my dick
It's like I'm in a vicious cycle of noncommittal penis.
I couldn't get past the raccoon on my porch so i slept on my lawn.
Bitch looked at my dick and said "I thought they called you horsecock, I'm already disappointed"
I told you that line would get her home never said it was a good idea
I have been referring to it as "thanks for getting out of me day" all week. Do you think they will still take me to brunch tomorrow?
Invite that kid who wants to become a priest. I WANT ON.
The ketchup exploded, and totally splooged his face and the wall. You could see the outline of his head in the wall splatter.
I'm sitting here with a band aid on my labia, this is a first
But actually he solved 40% of my life problems just in one dicking
Dad smells like hangovers and 65 years of bitterness
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