Like worst hickies ever he always gives them like wtf
It's 8 am and he's already trying to get me to make out with a girl.
Should study in library more often, procrasturbating is less of an option.
I didn't think it was possible but there may actually be TOO MANY pictures of me tagged shotgunning.
Throwing up while listening to pandora radio. Don't tell me my life doesn't have theme music.
Great. My funeral dress now smells of smoke and disappointing sex.
My New Years Resolution is to come up with a new resolution monthly. January: decrease my shotgunning consumption speed to 7 seconds or less.
Just threw up. It looks like I may have swallowed a cigarette.
I tried to convince the Lobo Card people to take my pic with my sunglasses on because I will probably always be this hungover.
well, obviously he didn't fuck me for my strong moral fiber.
I AM THERE IN SPIRIT, TICKLING YOUR BALLS
I can't even properly respond cuz I'm ballsdeep in falafel
Sneaking the vodka in was the easy part.. listening to medley of puking in the porta pottys was not
Oh good, bag of butt plugs is in my predictive text now
Typing the whole thing out was getting to be such a chore
I feel like my entire body is ashamed of me today
You're a god amongst men today
Randomize
