the ***** family is living proof that there are no more lifeguards in the humen gene pool
Do I give off a "I have a sex tape" vibe???
Is a box of franzia too insincere of a gift for "i'm sorry I backed into your toddler with my car"?
Just found out my 21st birthday is on a Wednesday. The possibilities are cheap, as well as endless.
I swear they were about to hook up!!
I know because I was in the tub taking an imaginary silent bath. They stopped cuz I gagged on my shot.
and then she started to quack like a duck and u started throwing bread at her
My dad just sent me a text reminding me to bring the family beer pong championship belt. Thanksgiving 2012 just got real
Was I asleep on the ride home?
Yea, then when I tried to hold your head up on a turn, you round house punched me in the face.
I fell asleep after the worst sex of my life and now I'm snowed in with him. SEND HELP. CALL FEMA. GET ME OUT OF HERE.
Did you really just call a picture of your erect penis art?
I feel like I owe her child an apology or something after blowing my load on the tattoo she has of her.
Don't tell him that you hope he dies in a boring missionary position with his wife. That doesn't go over well.
Tacos and sex are way better than any anti depressant pill ever was. I think I made a medical discovery here.
He screamed like a woman when he came then proceeded to sing "you [we] are the champion" by Queen. I think I'm in love.
Oh god establish a safe word
I'm going to! Pineapple.
Randomize
