Don't you hate it when all three people suddenly sober up in the middle of a threesome. Awwwwkward.
i told you the emergency thong was a good idea.
You came in as I got off work, ordered us jack and cokes. Put them on my tab, and then proceeded to fall asleep on the bar.
You just seemed really offended whenever my cup was empty.
I love her to death but its like you have to do 5 lines of coke to be on her level.
He's in the hospital yelling at his brother to at least have stuck something "normal" up his ass.
Again?
The effect you have on my penis from a different state is impressive
Conversations we need to have while high 1) how mermaids reproduce 2) if blind people hallucinate what do they see 3) reincarnation
He'll only communicate through snapchat with pictures of him holding his cat or his dick. Bit of Russian roulette opening them in public but I did it anyway.
I feel like I hate him but his dick too bomb to hate completely
I used an explanation of Walking Marriages in the Mosuo Culture to successfully negotiate an open relationship. That Anthropology degree is finally starting to pay off.
Knowing how to carefully mix my vices has to be the #1 skill I've gotten from pharmacy school
The true debate: do I prioritize going to bed and getting more than six hours of sleep or do I prioritize washing out various grease, leaf bits, and jizz out of my hair
within five minutes of being here her dog found my vibrator in my bedroom and was carrying it around all proud! and her mom is here. so embarrassing :(
I swear 2020 just keeps getting worse and worse
Randomize
