every time I hook up with him I think about the fact that penicillin was a mistake too... and look how well that turned out. It makes me feel just a little bit better.
White Russians with skim milk. Fuck I'm healthy.
I wanted to dispute a few 411 charges on my phone bill. The service rep told me I called them four times asking for Lady Gaga's number.
so we have officially lost him as of 7 hours ago.. already called campus security, the drunk tank and the hospital. figure he'll turn up eventually..
i'll start checking the bushes on campus.
Dorm room. In. Elevator. Fell in. Boom. Puke
After the second day the hotel realized I wasn't responsible enough to have a comforter, so they took it for the rest of the trip.
i miss our vodka / percocet laundry days.
will barter weed for kareoke machine...
Chill out, I'm getting ready as fast as I can. I didn't even masturbate in the shower.
I was "singing along to the Lego Movie" high. Everything was not awesome
I tried to take a cute nude but sneezed halfway through. I sent it anyway
I don't think it counts as a booty call at 6:30 pm.
the guy had "bad bitches only" tattooed above his penis...
I covered the puke with a shingle there's not many chunks. I think it will blend quickly.
the orange of my hangover Tang is hurting my eyes... my coworkers knew it was hangover Tang too.
Randomize
