someone threw a dead crab at me
Do you know of any times in scooby doo when the monster turned out to be a real monster? You know not just a person?
I really wish I could go back in time to change the course of events that led to me sitting on the internet at 3 Googling 'Traumatic masturbation' while talking to you about failed dates, and running a virtual restaurant in a video game.
whats wrong with me. i have a coffee mug of wine in the library and i'm doing homework
You wanted to speak to the manager of mcdonalds as to why a "bag of cheeseburgers" isn't a menu option.
after he came i started crying. just to fuck with his head.
It's like alcoholism for beginners at my kitchen table.
thank you for reminding me that I stumbled into a public place drunk at 9am wearing a chicks pants.
You're getting spoiled, you better send me at least a side boob pic if you wanna see my dick dressed up as Davie Crockett.
Oh my fucking god you idiot bitch just get here forget about the vodka the fucking cops are looking for you
Dilemas of the modern woman: deciding whether or not to write on your ex's wall for his birthday. This is serious.
I shaved last nite, you should see my cock it looks like a beautiful skyscraper
I have no idea what that means but I'm googling things just so I can watch my thumbs move
You just sat there for two solid hours staring at your monitor and every five minutes screamed "LEGOOOOOS"
Sitting in my car feasting on the spoils of Taco Bell as Donna Lewis croons "I love you, always forever." A more perfect moment will never exist.
Randomize
