she needs to go suck a dildo, because she isn't worth a dick
Nhdgh I love you very much hello becausevs. Vagina pensiono
For some reason, my father is not responding to the 5 texts I sent him that all read: "Dad dad dad dad dad dddaadd dddddaaaaaaaaad dad".
i almost set my kitchen on fire last night. homecoming week is getting the best of me
incase your class ends early, there are three naked guys in our room. but don't get too excited, they're all gay.
My cock is literally on the edge of falling off. Fuck Vegas.
I figured out plans for New Year's and by figuring out I mean I've got a sugar bowl of cocaine. Start at 10?
Bro, he broke his neck diving into a kiddy pool.
There is no amount of alcohol that can make me forget I had a Jimmy Kimmel sex dream
You're the only person I know who would be upset about making out with a girl you like. You're like a drunken Charlie Brown.
As much as I enjoyed playing drunk half naked twister and talking about my daddy issues last time, I'll have to pass.
You said you couldn't use your body anymore so you made me push the buttons on your phone while you made alien sound effects
I've never had sex with me but I assume there are worse ways to be woken up.
Your actions as of last night have earned you over thirty new nicknames.
The fact that a spice girls song is stuck in my head is a great sign that my decisions aren't the right ones at the moment...
Randomize
