we sat in the hammock and pretended we were skydiving for three hours. jack actually started crying when i convinced him his chute didnt open.
im trying not to drink and cry in the same night anymore. i'll let you know how it goes
my mom took me to a gay bar and went on and on about all her good times at clubs... i now know where i get it
it is entirely possible that the police will be knocking on the door in 25 minutes
They found a chair, duct taped me to it, then gave me a bottle of vodka to 'make me feel at home'
Just dont tell him. Tell him you colored your vagina for breast cancer awareness month. He will understand.
I will pray to the gods of eye bleach for you
Just did a "spirit of homecoming" bump off a stranger's credit card. A stranger that dropped us off at home. Erica's bad. How do allllll of the Eastern Europeans know how to find drugs so easily?!?
Happy Birthday. May your liver respect you, fat bitches neglect you, hangovers reject you, and AA accept you.
I can't. Currently naked covered in Nair trying desperately to catch his cat that rubbed up on my leg.
I hate that cat.
How is your new roommate working out
We are drinking at the laundromat. And will probably have sex later. So...pretty good.
This morning i put band aids over my nipples bc i was too lazy to put on a bra. Think I've reached a new low.
Never ever make a tattoo bet. I now have a shamrock on my dick.
UHG. i just want to have hot lesbian sex and eat pizza with you.
THEY LEFT ME IN A CLUB BY MYSELF. I’M SO ANNOYED. I’M GOING TO FUCK THEIR BARTENDER FRIEND. Caps only because I’m really mad.
Randomize
