You were mumbling a lot and offered me 20 dollars to leave you alone
I don't think I have but I might've died. If I have then come get me, I'm in the flower bed. And still game.
You were telling the cab driver that you believe in him and just to follow his dreams
Trust me that one dick you don't want. It's like a whale... That's swam too many oceans...
I just stood on my roof naked pouring vodka onto my garden. sweet dreams
Well, that now makes it the 4th girlfriend in a row to cheat on me. I don't even care anymore...I'll date a prostitute and not even worry.
The guy who just got ate on True Blood had the same balls as you.
All I have done at work today is eat and try to get my coworker to tie me to his bed again
I had a sex dream. With two guys. And my subconscious decided to put your dick on BOTH OF THEM. If there is a society where that does not mean "I cherish you" I do not want to live there.
I asked the cop if I could see his dick- It's not like he could arrest me twice.
If she "comes out" to me I guess I'll high five her. That's pretty much my response to everything these days.
Captain and coke. And it's not drinking alone cuz i have a dog
His front door was open but I INSISTED on army crawling FOOT FIRST under the garage door. Then I peed the bed.
My life has come down to me literally sitting on an uncrustables trying to defrost it because I’m drunk alone and hungry.
This is the weekend we were supposed to be in Vegas making bad decisions hoping no one got VD, not stuck at home for the 900th day in a row
Randomize
