Jon and Kate. Drink everytime we see tears. Drink twice if a child cries. Finish your bev if you cry.
He booked his flight from Dallas already, no ticket to the game, said hes gonna bang some girl at tailgait to get a ticket, I had to explain that it will be sub 20 degrees F during tailgate, he decided to come in july instead, Texans are dumb.
just heard a glass bottle fall in lecture and my first thought was to yell party foul.....is it friday yet?
I mean it's my life so what if i want to drink Molson from my sparkly shoes and not regret anything
We were just at different life stages. He wanted to get married and have kids, I wanted to take MDMA and fuck my roommate.
Why are there chunks of your hair in everyones pocket?
I decided to mark my territory.
He is the blood diamond of hook ups. You think you want it...but you don't
I had to rip your toilet paper for you...
We are planning a drunk snapchat treasure hunt for tomorrow, and the treasure is his penis, this is a game I'm not willing to loose.
Boobs have been pretty central in my life somehow lately which makes me question if I am truly gay
Being single is awesome because I can still drink a bottle of wine and hate myself, but I don't have to shave my legs!
How are you feeling?
I mean, shattered dignity aside, not bad.
I'm gonna play eenie meenie at the bar tonight because it's women's day and I deserve the dick
Nothing like being naked and confused and clutching a scented candle...at least I woke up in my own bed though.
He took a shit in my shoe. A part of me is livid and a part of me is impressed because that’s some real evil genius.
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