I just told her she was a heartbeat above a blowup doll.
can you pick me up an extra syllabus
i passed out in the shower again
It's going to be nice going to the airport without drugs taped to my balls like last year.
Awww, you two will make beautiful abortions together...
23 Adults Confess The Irrational Fears They Had When They Were Kids
im drinking tequila tonight so will you babysit my bra?
I dont know if this is a good time to tell you but im actually a freshman.. not a senior
Plus I'm pretty sure you said "love you" on the phone, so technically I should be putting you on some type of probation
I'm actually not sure I need to run today, between the crazy monkey sex and breaking into my own house.
she had a dildo shaped like a dolphin. she will forever be known as Flipper
These 25 Women First Experienced Sexual Harassment At A Shocking Age
So I can officially say that someone has licked whipped cream off my nipples. Go senior year
I was telling my friend about your penis and the only word I could think of was voluptuous. You have a voluptuous dick.
He watches the nature channel every time I am here. It's like a manipulation technique because baby zebras will get me every time.
Whoever put the life size cut out of Snoop Dog next to me in bed understands me.
I got myself off in the shower last night for the first time ever! I just looked like I was playing a game of twister.
I just swiped right for a guy on Tinder solely because it looked like he was holding Zoboomafoo