I forgot to tell you. I'm at a porno shoot today.
Definitely just saw the guy I went on a date with Friday night dressed in medeival knight gear on the quad preparing for battle. Oh my God.
Apparently we had sex last night, and then I made him drive me to the beach so I could puke in the ocean.
Explain to me how "cheap asian titties" is a complement?
35 Disappointing People Who Failed At Sexting
He's had mdma poured down his throat. He's getting huggy.
Some chick just barfed in my math class. Everyone here is hungover. Yay community college
Wingman of the year award. I made out with her gay roommate in order for you to get laid. Better have been good.
The gay roommate was probably better than her. Consider yourself lucky.
Yea I've gotten enough hickeys in my life to know what I'd look like with a neck tattoo. I think I'm getting a neck tattoo.
Seriously, I woke you up with tacos, I think I deserve the best girlfriend ever award
25 Adults Reveal The Most Embarrassing Stories From When They Were Kids
our friendships a beautiful delicate flower...that has been crushed by peni
Did my married ex-boyfriend really tell me that he prays for me? Fucking Judas
I need a costume for that party. Even if I'm just taking it off.
The fact that he quoted freebird as his breakup speech was a little more classy than expected
MILK DIDN'T HELP. IT'S NOT HELPING
Well, he didn't buy me a birthday present but he sure did give me chlamydia so there's that.