yeah i like to chase my xanax with prozac and then viagra. you're up...and then you're UP
this text is just filler to avoid a lull in the conversation
Practice the "sorry I may have given you herpes" conversation with me before I call him and break the news
we couldn't afford a big pool so we bought 2 kiddie pools and put the inflatable beer pong table inbetween. get over here. now.
These People Are The Epitome of Lazy
Just because it's been in my vagina doesn't mean it's important to me
I owe her a pancake or a second hand orgasm
Just rented the SCUBA equipment. Meet me at the pool to test the underwater beer bong idea.
don't tell me about being eco-friendly. i just threw up in the same bag i bought my liquor in. RECYCLING
I hate find pieces of condom wrappers on carpet. It's like god is throwing flakes of shame for me to vacuum up
Disturbing Scenes People Witnessed As Children
I picked up the bartender so he could open the bar early and ended up with him giving me a ride home when he closed. I like snowdays and everything, but they get really expensive. Also, I think I threw up on his front door. Not checking.
I'm so tired I just poured monster in my coffee.
And it tastes incredible.
And I have chest pains.
We should probably feel disgusted that we took turns eating and drunkenly passing around a burrito the size of a small dog but iâ€™m ok with it.
And then I went through the chix filet drive through for breakfast in all my republican post sex glory
So you called me the queen of nudes yesterday and I'm still not sure how I feel about it
It's Friday you fucking nerd of course I'm drunk.