had another sex dream about alec baldwin...
i told him i was sober and he walked away immediately.
you know that annoying kid in my psych class? accidentally hit him in the face with a door today. perfect end to the semester.
I know that was a dream because I woke up and there was no pizza
The hookers weren't a dream get tested
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Lemme guess, I was the one completely shit faced making out with the 50 year old...
LOL, wrong number bro. Good luck trying to figure out what happened though..
As I was brushing his cum out of my hair he looks at me and says "it happens to me all the time."
Toilet is so comfy. Serious question/why does weed make every surface feel like bed?
Your lack of enthusiasm for my exciting news of drunken debauchery with an otherwise occupied vagina of one of my greatest conquests yet disturbs me. I'm not happy with you
I gave them the 'I used to fuck your son' discount.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I am disappointed by everyone's lack of ability to dance on a stripper pole:(
There was a comma in between her and dick. I was calling you a dick. Jesus.
Plus he is a pilot so I could give him flight dome
Please tell me I did not drink enough whiskey to think that having sex with my boyfriend while his best friend was on the floor next to us was a good idea.
You are a genius and a whore.
I mean there are real risks associated with having unprotected sex, but I don’t think I need to worry about a ghost possessing me and having unprotected sex while using my body
Randomize