Have you learned any life lessons?
I like big butts and I cannot lie.
Well how sick are u. Ive got a good immune system.
beer pong: waldo and ernie vs. bacon and eggs... i love halloween
I just found out how hard it is to put together a fake Christmas tree with a hangover.
Please tell me you saw the asian lady with the medical mask on cutting her lawn with scissors.
You kept telling the cops that our ice luge was practice for the next winter olympics
They really brought out their best strippers for vday weekend
You're getting a blowjob this afternoon. This has been your morning public service announcement.
It is a special kind of bonus when you find money you hid from yourself when you were drunk in the tampon box. What did we do last period?
as soon as I stop standing here with one leg up on my bathroom counter admiring my balls, I'm going to go tan. and then you may come over.
I'm figuring, since someone shoved pizza crust in my ear last night, there might be some leftover pizza.
He sent me a picture of him trying to push his cock into a Gatorade bottle. I dont know if I'm impressed it didn't fit and disgusted that he sent me something so vile.
You think you know everything because you're wearing a sweater
So, I without a doubt haven't used the bag I'm now carrying since we were dating. Just had to discreetly throw out an unopened magnum in a bus station.
Apparently calling shotgun while getting put into a police car is frowned upon