508, what difference does it make? You were alone, anyway.
I dont ever wanna see you tell my little brother to "spread the seed" ever again
We'll make it into fun. If I can make wii bowling into a drinking game, I can make studying spanish into a sex game.
Convinced the bartender that I'm a congressman. Free Drinks. God bless America.
21 Ladies Confess The Grossest Things They Do When No One’s Around
Using what I learned in my global terrorism class last semester to sneak booze onto my cruise. thanks college.
there are chunks of pepperoni under the sheets. can you be here in 10? breakfast in bed?
im drunk. people are steering their children away from me. whatever it is that you called for, I assure you that I don't care. have a good night
Who is he, asking me if im dtf without a question mark
She was mad I came so fast. I was like, It's the Olympics! Fastest time wins! We can train you in the offseason.
23 Tweets I Thought Were Really Funny When I Was Drunk Yesterday
I think I may have some undocumented and undiscovered std that causes girls to go bat shit crazy. How you got it is beyond me
I JUST MADE OUT WITH A BRITISH SOCCER PLAYER. LONG LIVE THE QUEEN. GOD BLESS THAT COUNTRY.
No amount of beer will make me feel better about this. It's time for Emergency Whisky
A special kind of bond is formed between two people when they act as a pee shield for one another for drunken pisses in an alleyway
Everyone's going out for thirsty Thursday and I'm just like. Cool. Enjoy yourself. I'm gonna eat an entire pizza and watch King of Queens reruns.
if jesus wore shoes made out of pure flavor and hurricane kicked u in the face thats how it feels to eat pizza bites right now