By the way the fattest man alive got married yesterday and I don't even have a boyfriend.
So my game is weak??
If your game is "Lets have sex, and maybe pizza" then yes.
he passed out on the stove with a cup in his hand. yes the pictures are hilarious
I'm in the grocery store cradling a box of wine like it's my firstborn, so of course this would be the first and only time I've ever seen my boss outside of the office.
she said "the two best ways to sober up are to nurse someone or give a blowjob" and im gonna go along with it.
Freshman just walked up and thanked me for letting him hide under my bed when the cops showed up to the house last weekend
lol i'm looking through my photos and there's this giant section of just dudes wearing murses
we did shots in class this morning as part of a presentation. WHY AM I LEAVING THIS COUNTRY?!
I got hammered with my chem professor at 4:30. I'm pretty sure that can't be topped by any real sort of institution.
I have a 8 minute video of a fish tank on my phone.
We need to stop going to pet stores high.
I touched the butt once. 'Twas an experience with the greatness of legend. So I touched it once more.
Dick. I'll go round and break his windows. I've been watching Sons of Anarchy on Netflix.
Some dude just said my hair smells like his pillows
On a unprofessional note, there's a new girl in photo.
That wasn't unprofessional. The fact that I'm going to fuck her is unprofessional.
fyi: first time in five days i havent washed my birth control down with liquor. when are we going out tonight?
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