She just squirted all over my face. then laughed at me and took a pic
How do you wash franks red hot sauce, whip cream, grapejuice and shame out of silk?
I would just throw it away. You cant just wash out shame, it has to soak for like a month.
Can you please check on Jay? He just called and left a Backstreet Boys song on my voicemail. Either it's 1998, or someone needs to go back to rehab.
I'm currently bartering with this guy so I can fuck his bi girlfriend. We're at 5 pizzas and he gets to watch us make-out.
It's only 11:30 and she's already making friends with the homeless...
So I think I might just embrace the awkwardness and say he fingerblasted her cause thats the greatest word in existence
I've got 2 dollars. How do I turn this into alcohol?
Remember when we saw my neighbor taking dick pics of himself? He's back at it!
The guy behind me is talking about how his life goal is to use his knowledge of mathematics to make the world a better place. My only life goal right now is getting through this lecture without throwing up in my lap.
You also proposed and then tried to jack me off
your girlfriend showed us your homemade porn last night.
All I ever do is give guys anxiety problems and flaccid penises.
She threw my purse across the room almost broke a lamp and this all started bc she forgot what an air mattress was
He brought me another shot of rum, ice and my underwear when I woke up.
What a gentleman.
I KNOW, right?!
so i may or may not have just had sex on the stage of the lecture hall....
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