I'm sure that's not what the inventers of the Turkey baster had in mind, but that's what I had in mine.
I've started making all these amazing things...like bananas rolled in doritos..bandritos.
He's a waiter, looks 15, and told me he loved me after only talking to me for 30 minutes. I told him I wanted a margarita. We got 3 free pitchers. I may have to make this our regular Wednesday night hangout.
Headed to the bar now. If I smell faintly of latex and tuna, it's just the new scent I'm trying.
It's not slutty if it's for workout purposes...right?
They shoved things up my nose I feel violated
you know you've had too much sex when your vagina hurts when you laugh
I mean it's like...I'm sorry I slept with your boyfriend but is it my fault that he failed to mention you when I was giving him head in the Dave and Busters bathroom?
There is so much wrong with that sentence
Yeah there really shouldn't be a bar at D&B's...shit gets real
Fuck these runners passing me on campus as I'm waking to dinner. With my huggie. With flavored vodka and rum. Aka yum
I'm staying at his house to solve the homeless situation. There's a freezer bag of weed in the fridge. He doesn't know it's there, and he's not missing it so I may have an income soon.
This morning he fucked me while I was brushing my teeth. So I kept brushing as he thrusted. Then I brushed his teeth with my toothbrush while he was still in me. So hygienic.
This is the second time this month a hookup cried when I left...bro get your shit together bar does NOT equal wife 😬
I was told I look like trouble once and that was by a fireman at the sex show. I was carrying two beers and a penis pinata.
I've finally become one of those chicks with a taco in her purse.
Remember when we thought adulthood would be different than college?
It is different. We had hopes and dreams back then. Now we're just alcoholics.
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