"Shots" has been nominated for a grammy. Now all of the US has sunken to our level...
You passed out in the bathroom with the door locked. Had to take a shit in your litter box. Don't worry, your cat buried it for me.
He just kept yelling woof and then threw money all over me...
The crowning achievement of my weekend was hooking up with someone I'm at least facebook friends with.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just when I thought this night couldn't get any worse, my dad sang and dedicated Sexual Healing to me at kareoke night.
the guy was wearing a viagra shirt, i knew what i got myself into.
I made him sleep with a condom on and i passed out on the carpet with only a bra on.
not the best booty call
did she squirt?
only if tears count
his phone is always ringing though. It makes me feel like I'm dating a doctor who's always on call.
yeah, dating a doctor sounds much better than fucking your drug dealer.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Our funnel is on top of our neighbors roof.
you were wearing a pair of wings and handing out McDonalds apple pies, if anyone refers to you as the "Rave Fairy" you now know why.
THIS EXPLAINS SO MUCH.
For the record we tried to find 4th of july porn. Did not turn out well.
sending him nudies in gran's hospital bathroom. you?
Its official... I need to stop being so slutty.. the guy I had sex with on friday delivered my jimmy johns tonight.
For a guy who came before his dick was out of his pants, he gave surprisingly good head.
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