Ok im wearing a joe flacco jersey and full stick on unibrow and hardly anyone else dressed up omg
Omg suz!! take the unibrow off
No! im just getting hammered instead
did he really ask u insert a warm banna in ur anal?
We watched a biography of Frida Kahlo in class today. It was depressing. A chick with a UNIBROW just put my sex life to shame.
You told me you were allowed to keep eating butter because it had just passed midnight and you were on the next day's daily fat servings
I think they can follow the trail of blood to my house if they have a problem with me taking a dip in their hot tub last night b4 stepping on a broken bottle
some girl at the bar told me my beard would tickle every inch of her body till she joy puked her face off.... that was so random and odd i just had to buy her a drink for having the guts to say it to me. WTF
Hey, if I'm gonna bastard a child and ruin his life, I'm going balls out.
I totally forgot about finals week. im the worst adderall salesman ever.
Tonight I celebrated marriage equality by letting a girl I don't know kiss me at the club.
AHHHHHHHHH. I LEFT A GLASS NEXT TO ME WHEN I FELL ASLEEP I'M SO SURE IT WAS WATER BUT NOW IT'S VODKA JESUS MADE A STOP
Mmm. Champagne. Weed. 17 pounds of animal crackers.
Operation rebound complete... I fucked the bouncer
My mom just said "okay girls, the ONLY thing i ask is that you stay sober Saturday afternoon, until halfway through lunch. And you don't wear that crystal camo hat. This is a funeral, not a tailgate party"
Best wishes.
this is the fourth time i've taken my clothes off for money this year. is that normal for the average college sophomore?
I know it's super late on a work night, but can you drop by and bend me over my new motorcycle? I have tequila and tacos...
Randomize
