Did you see that girl I got with last night?
Girl? Oh...weird...to be honest Ive always thought you were gay..
GOOD IDEA: Stealing the bike a couple blocks away so I don't have to walk. BAD IDEA: riding bike for the first time in years drunk as hell. I'm bleeding and my body hurts and once again I can't find my car.
you kept searching pizza on facebook and becoming a fan of each page dedicated to it
we made out inside of a kiddie slide for about 20 mins. it was the sexiest, most suffocating experience I've ever had
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I want something that's relevant to him banging her right after I did. Like "runner-up"
he wouldnt let me in bed until i took off all the stickers i was covered in
Got drunkdialed by my estranged mom while wallowing in pinkeye drinking 100 proof eating ramen alone. Year summed up perfectly.
I'm proud of all of us. Somehow we all survived another Jägerbomb Tuesday
Never doubt me. I am drunk and unstoppable and I will finish this book
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Saw your dad at the bar last night... And again this morning when he left. Told you not to mess with me bitch.
Someone just needs to roll me into a blanket burrito and feed me drugs
I just told my mormon professor that I was late because I was getting a STD test... good start to the day.
Dude. If you guys end up really liking each other, the color of his pubes won't matter. I wouldn't break a sweat.
I feel like my entire body is ashamed of me today
You're a god amongst men today
Put down the Captain Crunch and get over here. It’s a dickfest!!
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