i feel like my life has become an afroman song and idk whether i should be sad about that or not
Now that the olympics are over we have no excuse for getting belligerently drunk for nationalism every night.
It's going to be great. They guy at the store said 3 shots and you won't be able to feel your face or stop smiling.
He said I taste like butterscotch, licked me, then I'm pretty sure he wet his pants. So no, I do not want to invite him over.
True. On an unrelated note I helped post bail for both of our ex girlfriends last night. Russian roulette: guess which one is pregnant?
I'm currently looking through google images of circumsized penises and realizing how vital pre-marital sex is.
So... Apparently, "Home" isn't the correct response when a cop asks for your address...
i'm not saying you're gay. i'm just saying all my gay friends think you have a great ass.
Was having relations of the behind variety with my girlfriend. Based on where we were at I could see myself in the bathroom mirror. You know I did the Patrick Bateman point and wink at the mirror and turned on sissudio by Phil Collins.
I feel like I owe her child an apology or something after blowing my load on the tattoo she has of her.
New discovery: your vibrator works on my balls. Technology is wonderful I love the future
Note to self:A blacklight toga party at a frat house is a bad idea. Some things cannot be unseen
Whiskey. Because sometimes it's fun to have your hands go numb.
To get him to come she paid for his uber and promised that someone in the house would give him head. it worked
Perfect attendance and not being drunk since Sunday. This is a new leaf if I've ever seen one
Randomize
