Guess what I'm doing tomorrow?
Becoming a productive member of society?
Sam. Come on.
she would only give me a road handjob because she didnt want to unbuckle
safety first
She tied me up with her honor cords...
Just saw the new iPhone. I would totally let Steve Jobs and Jon Ive eiffel tower me right now.
nope im down the street in my car watching the front of her house. its actually less creepy than it sounds
i wish i had a super power and that that super power was shooting out mdma from my fingertips or something
omg. i wish i could describe to you the number of things that were just in my vagina. i feel like i got gangbanged by construction workers.
They should really start adding the average cost of day drinking to our cost analysis sheets. Does FAFSA cover this? No. It doesn't.
just tried to scoop ice cream with a steak knife. now in the emergency room with a the cab diver and the drag queen he picked up on the way. its gonna be a loooong day.
Mistakes were made. Hot mistakes that I want to make again. But tapping your employee is def a mistake. Esp in front of two other employees.
someone cut his neck open pretty bad with a broken beer bottle. We were so close to his house that we carried him home, but when we got there he casually laid on his bed and said he was just gonna sleep it off. WHO DOES THAT
he's singing something in russian and knocking over my plants with his dick, get his drunk ass out of my apartment
HE STUCK IT IN THE FISHBOWL WTF
Tell them to carpool to pride, have a 3way, and if one says 'no thanks' just tell em it's not gay if it happened in a 3way!
Everyone says I win the strip club
Is it a bad thing for a seven year old to call one an alcoholic? Asking for a friend..
Randomize
