Writing my paper on freud at bar
??
Going up to girls and asking if they were anal explosive or anal retentive as children
Smooth
That chick was all over your bacon last night, grinding on you, I thought you were going to bang her in the club
Dude it was a lap dance
Ninja stars and alcohol are a bad combo
Most awkward thing ever: Meeting your BattleShits opponent post war.
i forgot to tell you that olivia sent me a text yesterday that the mormon girl got caught with weed in her vagina at school
Bring your kids so they can distract our kids so we can drink beer in peace.
It's official. Every single female in their late teens and early 20s get their fb statuses from a pool of cliched "quotes" which all say, without saying, "boys treat me like shit, I know they do, but one day I'll find 'the guy' who will treat me right no matter how psychotic I am." Vom.
Well, let's be honest here. You're dealing with gay guys... EVERYTHING has an emotional attachment.
bark. im thoroughly looking forward to kegs and eggs. next weekend should be pancakes and pinnical, then cereal and seagrams and then whiskey and waffles.
I made a blanket fort and am drinking Gatorade and eating donuts watching 500 days of summer. I can't keep spending my saturdays like this.
and it seems i've caught your masturbating bug. thanks.
I just hope when I turn 21, it doesn't tank my entire semester.
All I know is that at 4 am I was walking down the street in my bra and his shorts and Im pretty sure I passed my grandma on her morning walk.
i keep replaying things i did last night. and remembering new things. and its a constant cycle of torture
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
Randomize
