he made transformer sounds every time he changed positions. how do you think it went?
we're microwaving frozen margaritas its not the same without u
This is why you don't make out with cougars at a bar... I got a linkedin request from her, wtf?
it's not a party till someone uses the fire extinguisher.
My doctor literally wrote on the script NO SEX
I got cut off for calling the flower girl a slut. What are you doing?
Hey, you guys have all had chicken pox, right?
Good call on the strip club last night. Everytime i smell some flowery candle or air freshener I get transported back to having my face firmly planted in Riah and Desire's tits.
You're welcome.
Meeting girls and telling em you have no hair on your calves is not an acceptable pick up line
Dropping the entire last roll of TP into the toilet is a hurt you don't want to know.
I want everyone to love me, and THEN I will choose who gets to eat me out all the time.
this year we will have multiple halloween identities. lesbian couple meets brian and stewie
I am the girl who goes to bed with her make-up on so that she doesn't have to fully redo it in the morning. I am obviously not ready to be a mother.
How does that even work?
Dude, someone puked in my washing machine last night, I tried turning it on to clean it...not a good idea
Listen, i know this is weird for you, but as your fuck buddy, id prefer if you didnt fuck her.
Youre asking too much from me
Randomize
