I'm telling lies about you to make you look like a good person
GUESS WHAT I JUST LICKED
I feel like half our conversations start this way.
Packing for the trip... do they take Visa in South Dakota?
She was wearing a "Got Beer" hat and your bed had necco wafers all over it the next morning. Another story for the grandkids.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
No, you dont understand, he literately fucked me into a new hairstyle, quite nice too.
Just pooped at the strip club. NOT NORMAL . I may be a little too comfortable here.
I don't remember anything but yelling at the ref in Spanish.
This is the last weekend of getting drunk and having sex all nite with the plumber. I'm exhausted all weekend and I'm never going to finish the remodel at this rate
After she cried and passed out at four in the morning, I had a very lovely, very drunken conversation with her mother while decorating a cake into the shape of a penis.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I don't text first unless I'm hammered...so ya I text first a lot
Shots. Renamed a guy (he looked like a Scott to me), running, bloody Marys, walk to Safeway, donuts, ride home from someones husband, Nurse Jackie. FIN.
We held a candle light vigil outside the jail hoping for her release, until we realized we were drunk in the jail parking lot.
Is it bad if I just put band-aids over my nipples? Way too hungover be dealing with a bra
You're a waste of cheezeits
What started out as a one night stand ended in him texting me the next day, saying he thought he was gay.
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