Heyy I kind of wanted to apologize and excuse myself for last night. I feel like that was a little much. I just met you. That's why I don't like tequila. Haha
Also do the "tongue the pee-hole" thing.
just took batteries out of my vibrator to play wii guitar hero. think i am gonna regret that move later tonight.
Just found out I reached my $2500 deductible and I have a $5 million dollar cap on my health insurance. Let's get drunk and do something recklessly stupid tonight.
im honestly just eating salsa and looking at his penis
All I remember is mattress sliding down the stairs while giving him a blow-job. Sorry you had to witness the incident.
Just talked to Kate. She said I called her on Friday night. She said I was crying for 5 minutes because we were parked in front of a fire hydrant.
I may have to steal the boat sober, but I feel that would be harder to explain.
Ummm, my mojito just spilled on 2 essays as I'm grading. Who says high schoolers have all the fun?
Here you are just trying to masturbate and I'm talking to you like your an initiate for some secret society.
I realize designer coke was a douchey thing to say but the point of the story is I did bath salts
Can I use your baby to go shoplifting?
Don't do anything I wouldn't do. Thankfully for you that list does not include male models.
are you still up? I want to use you for sexual things. you have 35 minutes to respond to this offer.
I might be getting fired on this week so the only option i see for tonight is to get smashed and have an orgy. actually this idea might explain why i'm not an ideal employee.
Randomize
