Sooo, his balls are like... bigger than my head...
I think drunk me is telling hungover me something... I just have to crack the code.
he didn't want to fuck because he was too busy skateboarding. what are we 12? I'm too old for this shit.
he gets drunk and then tries to eat the lasers at the dance club
You promised me a handle of vodka if I took home her ugly friend. Thanks to law class I took for the 2nd time I know that's a unilateral contract asshole
Well right now I am watching him use the fire extinguisher off the pourch.
Your either lost or getting food, if your lost find me a girl on your way back, if your getting food grab me a double cheese
Brown or brunette? Ketchup or mustard?
I love you bro
I remember seeing his penis I just dont know exactly what I did with it
Okay we're getting vodka and coming
Okay. Joe has my machete attached to his belt
Right now he's sitting in the chair pointing to me to go away. He's trying to have quiet time with his penis.
Oh Julie took your pants off last night, I put your pajama bottoms on, and Rachel took your bra off. It takes a village.
Something must have happened, they started yelling truffle butter and you said we needed to leave NOW
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO BE A DRUNK WHEN ALL MY ENABLERS ARE BUSY?!
no its a draw, weve been through this, when were keeping score on getting laid i get a plus 1 handicap each week because of your British accent! its only fair!
Want to have dinner and we can talk about how my vagina can make you feel better?
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