Kicked off drink for Jesus month by puking in my mouth while talking to my priest...real cool
don't tell her this, but while we were doing it doggy style I picked up my phone and changed my status to "who let the dogs out"
is it trashy that while he was throwing up in the bathroom, i was hooking up with his childhood best friend?
I wasn't interested in him...but then he played The Office theme song on acoustic guitar. I'm sorry.
Excuse me but the alley way I wanted to fuck in happens to be a very nice clean area.
Carry on my wayward bro, there'll be beer when you get low. lay your neon tank to rest, dont you rage no more.
See this is why people shouldn't jump into marriage. See what type of drunk you're engaged to first.
I only feel half bad for cheating on him because while we were fucking I was given great relationship advice and now I'm ready to work some things out.
I thi k this dude I fcken showed up to the bar in a raisins shirts. I thought I was better than that. Fuckkkk.
The DJ was throwing glowsticks into the crowd and managed to smack one guy in the face with them
I told you being able to play expert on guitar hero would get us laid one day
He overslept for our prescheduled morning sex. The fact that my vagina isn't enough to get him out of bed was the last straw.
I literally just woke up in a dog bed, in a bathtub in someone else's house...and I'm not wearing pants
Its official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world
I woke up completely naked in a mint condition 71 chevelle in someones garage. What.
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