i stopped calling them hangovers and started calling mornings a long time ago.
It's only 4 pm and I'm already way past my preferred quota of "could have died" moments
You kept hugging the big bouncer & feeling the other ones beard
found a hand written recpiet for 'one doe fawn' on an open crate in my living room need help to find it
where the hell would u of bought a deer
Did you sleep with Connor? And who undressed me? There's a picture of two guys peeing out my bedroom window. What happened?
And drunk me decided to play keep away with sober me's dignity
all i remember was her shitting herself and asking me to call her parents.....i so didn't. when i woke up she was gone and left a note saying "we will be lovers forever"
Fuck yeah GAYNESS
*explodes into glitter*
yea sometimes its awkward. but when you're a straight bartender at a gay bar and everyone knows it, they all think that they can make me turn gay. its like oh yea dude that extra $20 tip makes me want to suck some dick now
I just started the bonfire using a tampon. Who knew they could have multiple uses?
How I know we're old. Don knows the owner. The owner said 'How about some shots?' We said no thanks. He looked puzzled and came back later and said 'You know it's on the house?' We said 'Yeah, no thanks.'
Look, all I'm looking for is a good time and someone whose chest I can bury my face in
the staff put glowsticks in the urinals of the porta-pottys last night and honestly drunk me has never been more grateful for anything in his life
Even in drag you're still better looking than your sister.
Don’t drink the Bloody Mary - it’s vodka and salsa.
Randomize
