Dear everyone that texted me last night wondering where i was. i ended up face down blacked up drunk before i made it to the party. My bad
I have started doing my homework in bars. It just feels right.
you woke up and yelled "the tv is moving" and fell on the floor and passed back out
his genitalia just looks like a thumbs up. a really really small thumbs up.
Why do I have flashes of a dark shed in my memory?
Because we had sex in one.
tequilla shots with my grandparents? christmas visiting just got so much better
Somehow ed fucked carrie while purposely not saying a single word to her all night. He just nodded and smiled.
Would it have been easier if he talked to her?
Yeah, but i bet him he couldn't do it. Now he gets a free taco bell combo of his choosing.
her vagina just converted me to Judaism.
Note to self; if you can light it on fire, you probs shouldn't drink it
You're going to be mad because I got baked, but not that mad because I'm bringing home kfc.
How the fuck can he download so much porn but not know how to find the Skype app?
I'm gonna die. First I'm gonna throw up. But then I'm gonna die.
COCAINE IS GR8
I wish period tracker had a "on this day" also so i can see who i was with this day last year.
I sent him a tex saying, "I thought my intentions were clear" drunk me has some balls.
Randomize
