so the situation is a+b=c where "a" is how much you weight, "b" is my gravitational pull, and "c" is how erect your penis is.
ok plan lets look hot and dance like whores.
Just looked at my call log. I called Planned Parenthood at 3am.
Only my sister would update her facebook status while going into labor.
god is playing jersey shore on new years on purpose. he wants me to play drinking games and die. i wish he knew how serious this is.
I found it funny that her boobs actually kinda felt like a bag of sand. the 40 year old virgin should feel better about himself.
I feel if a girl leaves my house the next morning feeling degraded and in desparate need of a shower, then I have succeeded.
This girl has a mullet weave. I missed oakland.
Your panties and toothbrush are in your mailbox. just not ready to be with anyone serious. take care.
There's some random guy here dryhumping my kitchen door. If he is a friend of yours, please come and retrieve him.
Update: just imagined being dirty talked to in an Irish brogue and I think my vagina became a sentient being.
I deleted all traces of him from my phone
even the dick picks he sent you?
no are you nuts? saved that shit to my camera roll
There are twenty eight units in that building. There has to be at least one heterosexual in it. You can't have fucked your way through all of it.
why did you kick open the doors at church screaming whos ready to party?
we have beer and we're watching the birds have sex in our yard.
Randomize
