ashley and jimmy are about to have sex on degrassi.... EVERYONES GETTING LAID BUT ME
I'm pretty sure the new "vibrating mascara" is just a disguised dildo for those of us who are too ashamed to purchase a real one.
Well, at least their eye lashes will look good while they masturbate shamefully.
you sang the finger bang song from south park while fingering me. needless to say, kind of a turn off.
You're just mad at the fact that I want to be a car alarm.
you threatened to puke on the table cause they didnt serve eggs Benedict
I'm not sure...it could be the pasta I ate from her sink, the dominoes, or just the alcohol. Or a wicked combination of all 3.
Not sure if you carved a butthole or vagina in that pumpkin but that didn't stop high Phil from mounting. My study group is horrified.
Oh god. It's like a broken faucet. My guts sound like a bilge pump clogged with golf balls and cake frosting.
Let's just say after this weekend I'm known as Shameous the Irish bar fighter.
its ok, the prom king gave me his crown to puke in
Strange request but for my birthday you should get me one of those vibrators that you can plug into your iPod that go along with the music.
I tried to walk home in my heels. And I fell into a snow bank. And then I cried and a policeman came up to me and said I can't sit in a snowbank and got me a cab. So maybe that's where I left my credit card. I remember the cop asking me if I was old enough to drink, too. OMG. How embarrassing. Pretty sure I told him to "leave me alone."
i feel as though me waking up and asking her if i went to the hospital was a sign that i was not okay
You thought they were asking for volunteers for a karaoke contest so you jumped up not realizing it was actually a "last 3 minutes boxing match". But you took that right hook like a champ.
I'm going to get drunk, come back, call my grandma, and eat all those scrambled eggs.
Randomize
