Some guy with no shirt on and his pants undone informed us he was kicked out of the cab
I asked him why, and he had absolutely no idea.
I just put lube in Matt's bellybutton. He looks unhappy.
You tied the party balloons to your nipple ring so that everyone would know you partied.
you're the only person I know who would bring a water bottle of screwdriver to a wedding, and toast with it during the speech
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Totally just met the chick getting nailed in our lobby last night. Should I bring it up?
whatever. i almost had sex in a car with someone passed out in the back seat. phone's not my biggest worry.
I guess I really am the only person in this world who can successfully have a no-strings-attached threesome on the beach.
I created another version of Halloween, it's called swalloween, whatever girl in a slutty costume you bring home has to swallow or forever be known as the holiday grinch
I'm riding shot gun after Shawn took a dump in a happy meal box because we were making record time.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's all fun and games until your AARP eligible neighbors end up blacking out in your yard at 5pm with a box of franzia. I'm feeling a great year ahead
Now I just sit back and wait to give ass birth to pure evil.
Yeah, I mean I'll probably fuck him regardless but I'm trying to be a lady about it.
i was in class looking for a pencil and found a chicken strip in my back pack. i think i might have a problem.. sad thing is i ate it
he'll eat me out, but god forbid we double dip when sharing salsa
Of course he’s dumb. He’s got a 9 inch dick! There’s not enough blood in his body for a big dick and a big brain. It’s science
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