you really need to stop walk of shaming home from theme parties.
Oww! U thought rug burn was bad! Fuckin carseat burn hurts like a mother!!!
Wtf?
Use the slutty part of ur brain.
These fall allergies are really hindering my cocaine habit.
so, does the "dick the size of your forearm" thing run in the family then?
We were all definitely blackout with drunk goggles on, even though you and Amanda were the only ones dressed up as it.
All I can remember is posting my chicken burger in the post box. Postman is in for a treat.
He barged in the room with no shirt on, all fucking ripped with a half keg under one arm. Sara now calls him Bronan the Beerbarian
Do you know how to get blood out of tile grout?
You think you know everything because you're wearing a sweater
Like you can't just be like oh bb and THEN SEND ME A FUCKING PICTURE OF MY 8TH GRADE FAT SELF IN A TACO COSTUME
I've never seen so much of my blood outside me. After the initial shock it was kind of cool.
We have an albino peacock in our apartment. It's beautiful.
Scratch it being beautiful, bitch just stole my McDonalds. Call animal control.
So I FINALLY get to start out a story, "So there I was, naked except for a toboggan hat and handcuffs..."
No I’m scared man. She sharted. In my car. Wearing a dress. And I still like her.
Wow
I am now gainfully employed. Parents, lock up your children.
Yay! Welcome to the world of "you're seriously trusting me with your kid?"
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