I wanna go to beed woth a nboy
The more I sober up, the more sick I am/realize how weird dancing around a wine bottle was
Dude if it is possible to orgasm from shitting i think it just happened.
for a minute I thought I needed to put on pants to go get a burrito, but then I remembered I'm in college
I realized I'm gonna have to fit cheating on my gf, sleeping with my gf and having dinner with her parents all into one Sunday evening
The pride tent is doing free lube tastings. There is also a mechanical bull.
I booty called her while she was in labor.
and if my full six pack comes in by Halloween there is no stopping the man slut costume. I have no shame
My little brother just suggested we drink the rest of the vodka because it's raining. My job is complete.
Dude. I only took a 20 out the ATM last night. How do I have 83 ones?
You stole from the strippers again. I wish I was ninja like you
I also found a beer label in my bra and I'm pretty sure you put it there and said "this means I trust you"
I literally wonder, frequently, "Will anyone ever fuck me until i go cross eyed for 2 hours again?''
He came home at 2 AM on roller skates with his hair dyed pink while singing "Sweet Transvestite" and throwing glitter on all of us and everything we own. We had to call a cleaning guy.
I answered the booty call in my Trophy Wife cutoff and my ex-boyfriends sweatpants with a bottle of jager.
and how was that received?
I can't have the last guy who touched my vagina be my coworker.
Randomize
