Hi Jason, it's Liz. We dont need you to pick us up anymore. I dont care if you will be here in a milisecond. And you should know im wearing really amazing shoes.
So, I woke up to an empty bottle of scotch and a dead car. The last thing I remember are the strippers being mad at me. Awesome night.
Feels good to be wearing underwear again though...
Girl last night got so wet when I was going on down her it flooded up my nose. I nearly drown
I'm at my inlaws playing Scrabble. Go Fuck Yourself.
its summer. and we all know college gfs do not count in summer.
college gfs dont count ever. theyre like getting corn rows in jamaica. you feel cool at the time. then you go home and people make fun of you.
i wonder what barack obama's brickbreaker high score is...
do we own a ladder
We do not.
then how am i on the roof
I know it I should, but it's kinda nice. It's smells like unbridled enthusiasm and copious amounts of melt your face off sex.
I'm sure we could make a ball of yarn and a nickel into a drinking game
I just realized I haven't got laid since the last time the Browns won.
I've just had two stress filled days in a row , I'm just going to shower and await your penis
I woke up and finished the bottle like a champ
I'm pretty sure I naked in my first year of college more than I was as a baby.
I may or may not have spiked my gatorade to get through a game of monopoly with these children.
you know you're sexually deprived when you're holding a warm taquito in your hand and your vagina starts to tingle
He just took off his shirt. I'll text you later.
Randomize
