I'm pounding a vodka drink as we speak to make her interesting
Memo to the bitch sitting across from me at Swamp: no one thinks you're classy with your Louis Vuitton and your Burberry scarf when you're dragging on that cig like it was the last cock on earth and you needed cum for sustenance.
I wish I could test you the smell I just had to experience. It smelled like this lady was microwaving squirrel rectum.
It usually only happens when Im really excited. Normally not that fast. You still enjoy it?
I envy the lives of milf's kids, the little kid grabs her tits and she just laughs and says not now
Then he showed me his sketchbook. Every drawing was a hand in different 'fingering positions'. Dear JESUS.
as much as i want to say no i cant cause i need the trophy wife training
We love you just as you are but we might love you more if we didn't have to post bail so often...
she just announce I'm david copper field and tried to shove a napkin down my throat
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
It all started because he put my damn phone in his pants. By his crotch nonetheless.
I love that you'd blow off your high school reunion to get shit faced in an aquarium with us
Um. We all know how I feel about sea life
Just puked in front of a high school tour group. Based on the standing ovation, we have a solid group of freshman coming in this fall.
If history is any guide, his morals are no match for my tits
Can I use your boat
Also, what’s the deal with international water? Do they have signs out there like a city does or do I need a map?
WTH is going on? It’s the middle of the night
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