3 deer just ran past us on the street. At least I get to see some tail tonight
I had a long pep-talk with my penis that ended in "I love you, I'll try harder and I'm sorry."
you're putting all your eggs in a very hungover basket
Oh it's happening. I'm Chugging a beer while sitting next to a 6 year old
I don't know which is a more impressive stolen object. The couch from a sheer logistical viewpoint, or the parking meter because i'm pretty sure that's a federal offence.
Its like a relationship where they cockblock each other.
AND OMG I HOPE YOU ARE GREAT WITH CHILD. COOK THAT BUN!
Yea we had fun. Lost my wallet some girl has it. Sarah fell asleep in a cab and ended up at some wawa. It was cray. She's home now
I just want nice things and good sex
I fell asleep in the tanning bed, naked, for an hour and a half and I guess they couldn't wake me up so they called the fire department...and they came in while I was passed out naked...
Sorry for pissing on y'all's floor last night
She was a little thick, but we banged on the beach and fireworks went off as we finished so I think God wanted it
I really would enjoy sexual intercourse with you.
Most formal booty call EVER
i woke up on the third floor, naked in a closet.
Step one: We finally agreed on an au pair that we both wanna fuck.
Randomize
