I think im going to throw up on grandma
Iiiiiii almost fall ib the lake
this whole healthcare thing got me thinking.. without knowing it my parents are now going to be paying for my dealer to be able to live..
every time i wear that dress i get kicked out of a bar.
the game I always play with drunk me is can-you-button-and-unbutton things? If the answer is no, go home. Usually it's his pants
I wore a firefighters hat and drank beer all night. They had to drive me home after breaking the beer pong table, they told me I was welcome back tonight though...
I don't like him near enough to give up day drinking AND my prostitute costume
Am I allowed to compare getting cum'd on the face to a warm summer rain?
i would really love it if at least once per weekend i did not wake up to you half naked passed out on the floor
He's basically me if I was an 8-yr-old boy. It's like looking into a pudgy terrifying mirror
i was thinking shit as she was saying it. it was a sarcasm time loop
I just sucked dick on a ferry
She made me undress her with my teeth...explains the button in my shit this morning...
I learned three things this morning. Don't get out of my car without my keys, don't let a girl paint my nail unless I'm getting laid by said girl, and lastly I learned how to break into my own car.
“On a break” is implied when it’s a Russian chick dressed as Black Widow wearing Minnie Mouse ears
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