yeah I know. she is a stupid fat trailer trash bitchwhore and I hate her
but when she came up to me in the bar I had to be all like "OMG HEYYY how are you, I haven't seen you in foreverrrrr!!"
but for the record, yeah, I hope she gets mauled by a bear and dies
theyre just this beautiful family of functioning alcoholics. i want them to adopt me.
Just took career test that listed librarian and bartender as top career choices. Fascinating.
woke up with ski boots on and a kayak in my room... birthday successful? i'd say so
Hi, my name's audrey!
Max?
Sorry, this girl is phone-stealing drunk.
oh no, im for sure still drunk. i wana eat evrything in the fancy feast commercial... everything
That combination of brocholi bacon eggs cheese ketchup and pasta would have been a revaltion had you not thrown up on the stove and put out the pilot light
You can't break up with me and ask me for a handjob on the same day. At least not in that order.
This weekend has taught me that sometimes, being buried under a mattress is the safest place in the room.
Please be advised that because of last year's "incident" we will no be starting St. Pat's day with spicy breakfast burritos and car bombs. Please plan accordingly.
Who showers for four hours?!
It was like a tropical nap.
Chipotle farts are not good for seducing boys.
Hey babe! Random question. Do you by chance have the pic of my nipples covered with ninja turtles band aids? Thanks.
So, I actually said the words "but face tattoos are sexy"
Hey the moment you step into my house, find me IMMEDIATELY so we can pinky promise on not roping anyone at the party into yet another threesome
Randomize
