the the hell do you 'accidentaily" jizz on a shirt thats folded in a drawer?
Dude my date hates me, Im on a rooftop full of Turkish people, and Ricky Martin is blasting on the radio. I was wrong earlier when I said I have my shit together
just apologized to a random stranger while waiting in line for coffee. last night was that drunk
There's a group of australian girls next to me. can't take them seriously. think they are going to turn into mr g
i just know my balls have never hurt this bad before
And then he used the flashlight app to illuminate me giving him head. Thanks IPhone
We are casual work acquaintances that occasionally fuck when the urge strikes. CWATOFWTUS. I know FWB rolls off the tongue better but it is what it is.
One fish gets drugged and suddenly I'm labeled a bad pet owner. This is so unfair.
I'm sitting in Starbucks, waiting for direction in my life, or it to be 8 p.m. Whatever comes first.
Everyone should know the rule that if your dicks touch during a threeway you just make lightsaber noises and move on.
He's holding a pee stick. Yes it's weird.
I am drinking green tea.... My liver is in shock
But in defense of this shit summer we've had, I totally perfected my shotgunning skills. I have achieved my summer goal.
What am I even going to do with 20 more jello shots? And don't say give them to the cat
Fire trucks are here again. It wasn't me this time.
Randomize
