Promise me that if I become one of those sad people that facebook pesters you to 'reconnect with' you'll tell me so I can delete mine and save myself the humiliation?
He asked what my name was on facebook chat. IT SAYS RIGHT THERE. i will never be drunk enough for this guy.
Is it physically possible to shit out my own bone marrow? Because if not, then I need to see a doctor immediately.
We just had to use a designated driver to get to night class.
If I go there, please come with. It will accelerate the lesbian rumor but be totally worth it.
You know that joke about taking tylenol pm and jerking off? you don't always win. sometimes you wake up in the morning naked lubed up cock in hand to the realator and would be perspective buyers laughing at you
obviously my window is still shattered. they're pressure washing my condo today. i think i need a bloody mary.
Its a "sake bomb in the bathroom during class" kind of day.
Any formal decision about whether we're planning to objectify naked women with daddy issues tonight?
it is basically gonna be an ugly Christmas sweater rave
Idk I'm sorry it's weird to ask for testimonials on your penis
I would rather her be sleeping with someone new than getting to go Harry Potter world before me...
I smoked a joint in the bathtub at 8 am then went back to bed
Hurry I'm alone dressed like a prostitute eating French fries.
can I CTRL ALT DELETE this universe
Randomize
