I can't believe the cop was so cool about the whole thing, I mean, I had man mayo all over my jeans.
walked into the kitchen nd asked my mom what smells like tuna she replies" your sister" now i cant eat tuna...EVER!!!
im doing shots everytime lil jon says it in the song shots....blackout town here i come
Just got the test results back. All clean, Now whose an idiot for going bareback in South America for 3 months straight.
I jerked off enough times today to safely commit to the fact that im not getting laid tonight
New term. "Find a husband" fridays. It's like thirsty thursdays, but with a dowry.
This is davidson friend mat i an drunk. Thank you for having a physical relationship. With David. I bet he gas a penis the size of an elephant tusk. You are a lucky lady.
I broke stuart's oven and showed up to the party with a squirrel.
You should have seen her, she looked like a skinny Jabba The Hutt
That literally makes no sense
Exactly
We need more drag queens in our life I've decided
You're right. I woke up today with my ugly sweater still on and no pants. I'd say it was a successful night.
He made a playlist to use during sex...that ended with The Ultimate Warrior's entrance music.
I just blacked back in and I'm at a kids birthday party in a suit and people are calling me uncle Carl. Never having your homemade liquor again.
There's a dryer on fire at the laundromat, and everyone's just standing around taking pictures. Except me. I'm texting.
remind me again why we thought drinking hungarian moonshine was a good idea
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