how the fuck am i supposed to make breakfast with spaghettios and mustard
Do you think people stop being hipsters when they're naked? because that's what my research shows.
ya i vaguely remember microwaving a whole package of bacon for 20 minutes or so and then eating it all around 4am
thanks for not screaming that I'm pregnant when that guy was giving me his number.
Agreed. Everyone should experience a blackout before 3pm in their lifetime.
Drunk off five beers on a Tuesday. I'm not sure which part of that statement is more sad
When she was dating that guy she told me If they broke up, I would receive a call and no matter what I was doing I'd have to go over a fuck her. It's like being an EMT for sex.
You know you gotta reevaluate your life when the first thought that comes to mind after you wake up is 'at least I'm still alive'
Nothing like a false "my-dad-found-my-weed" alarm on Christmas day.
One good thing about being really drunk when you go out to dinner is that the leftovers are a surprise. These quesadillas had shrimp in them! Who knew?
its not everyday you see batman on the ground with someone riverdancing on his face bourbon street never disappoints
I remember the Prince Albert and the three penises in the threesome. But the rest no.
I better get weekly incoherent text messages or I will assume something is wrong.
I always knew I would be boring and die in an Uber.
Such a big mess for such a small penis
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