you used to get mad at me for mentioning 'unprotected sex' and happenings in my bed
well yeah, but then i realized the wisdom of your ways.
I think any school that has COCKS written on it's baseball hats has their priorities straight.
Just walked past a girl wearing nothing but flip flops and an oversized sweatshirt crying by the front gates eating pizza. i just found your soulmate.
They have beer in plastic boots. How am I supposed to resist that?
I woke up to the sound of a beer can being opened. I love him already
Definitely just blazed with the housekeeper. That woman needs a raise
i'm duct taped to my bed with a condom in my hand. something went wrong
So apparently I ended up throwing my clothes in the toilet after getting kicked out of TQ and ran around the neighborhood in my boxers. Works gonna suck hard once this hangover kicks in. Also: I lost a shoe so looks like flipflops for the rest of winter
Batchelotette party success. I woke up on the floor in nothing but a thong, a garter and a shirt that says Just Do Me.
I'm pretty sure my munchies are the only reason Good and Plenty is still around
I'm a great relationship counselor. My vagina will let you know if your relationship is gonna work or not.
All she said to me before going to get another shot was "Damn, I'd eat her out."
Trusting in Jesus is not a viable birth control plan.
You know you've found a good drug dealer when he's willing to overnight mail to you in another state...
Dear sober self, your keys are on the table in front of you the only way your typing this is with autocorrect goodnight love you
Randomize
