Only in Alabama do they play hymns in a bar!!!
i kinda do this "flirt with girls and pretend to be a hot white guy named chris" thing
you tried to scramble eggs in my dryer last night. i want you here in 15 minutes to clean this shit up
I dreamt I won the Huge Cock Championship last night. It was glorious.
Can you come over to my place and make up for the crap you called sex yesterday?
Good morning to you
I can now tell my grandchildren Central Park has really great spots for quickies...
Sunshine is the equivalent of sprinkling whore pellets on campus.
I think I'm gonna wear a bikini to our final tomorrow...just so he knows that no fucks will be given on his test
Its not like i paid for sex. She was stuck there, we simply exchanged rides.
If magic marker is safe for kids, it should be safe for cats...right?
Help everyone's hot
Men are hot women are hot non-binary people are hot aliens are hot
In that case, if you come anywhere near my house you can expect to be chased down various streets by a half naked me wielding a baseball bat. No, I am not giving you my address.
Why so serious bruh
I can now recognize that when my wine bottle reaches a certain point, I probably shouldn't tweet, text or call anyone. RESPONSIBILITY
I'm just imagining Oprah like "you're popping a boner, and you're popping a boner...EVERYONE IS POPPING A BONER"
Laying on my driveway in my pajamas in the sun having my severe hangover cigarette, and the daycare house across the street is having playtime in the yard! I believe I'm currently being what's known as a "bad example!"
Randomize
