He looks too sensitive, like he's going to write me a poem and cry after the first time we have sex.
First rule of pills: If you can't remember what it is, take half.
Hey its the Filipino guy from last night. I just wanted to say sorry my friend bled all over your driveway. Great party though.
Just stabbed myself in the face trying to lick melted cheese off a kitchen knife.
I'm a busy girl. All I wanted was noncommittal sex a few times a week
I made Mark strip for me and do a stripper dance. I put 2 dollars in his mouth
I'm about to airblow my boyfriend. I'll three-way you.
How bad would it be if I asked him for my "ho ho ho" thong back? They're my fav christmas pair!
it is my last wish that my tale be published posthumously as a warning to anyone thinking of eating burger king at nine am
I need to go back to work. I've had so much sex since the shutdown started. last night we tried and a little flag came out saying "nothing is left in here try a week later"
I didn't pop out of a cake in a speedo with diagrams
In case that's what u were picturing
It wasn't your birthday, you weren't supposed to be the drunk one
When people keep buying you drinks at the bar because they like you, you can't say no to them
You told everyone to shut up then told the officer that you are 21 when you drink.
Dude, I just feel great. I love life so much and I love you. Love. Love. So much love.
You can make out without kissing
Explanation needed
Randomize
