Scream out, "Tax-Free dick over here" in the bar. Ladies love tax free stuff
I just ate a drumstick out of the garbage. I need a life coach.
his ringtone is the jonas brothers. get me the fuck out of here NOW.
he kind of looks like leonardo dicaprio...in whats eating gilbert grape
wtf, did you fuck a retard?!
You never realize how many sex toys you have until you have to strategically hide them while moving out of your dorm.
So one buddy got tackled at the urinals by national guard members and was arrested. Another had sex in a port o potty with possibly the drunkest girl I've ever encountered. The rest of us blacked out and won a few bets. So yes, the derby did meet our expectations.
This whole foot fetish thing is getting out of control. He would rather hold my feet than me after we fuck.
Her inability to understand the word "moderation" is the achille's heel of an otherwise perfect human
Guess which frat house I just walked out of! And on a related note... guess who's uncircumsized
He compared my blow job skills to finding gold treasure in a gold chest, so there's that.
I just wanna have sex and go to Denny's after is that too much to ask for.
Driving, getting head and talking to your boss on the phone is not a good combination. I nearly died
no dude he sent me cemetery flowers, i know it. they are half dried out roses in the shape of a cross, seriously. and he is not religious. so he robbed a freaking grave site for me. am i like an accessory to grave robbing now??
damnit this is what you get for dating guys with neck tattoos
like, there were so many other better not terrible choices you could have made, so i'm honestly baffled that you managed to fuck up that bad
CTFD. There’s plenty of dick in the sea! This is Vegas, we import dick. \nWorst case scenario we get a rental penis
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