I guess she didn't feel like it. There was hair all over it and everything
i might have gotten away with it if "don't tase me bro!" wasn't the first thing i said when i rolled down my window.
He was drunk at Denny's at 5 am saying how Dear John was the worst movie he has ever seen... eyes filled with tears.
You were mounting an escalator last night, shouting "I have no health insurance" at people
Thanks for not stopping me when I decided to call my mom at 2 in the morning to ask her where I was born
Subtly mention that I'm not a lesbian. I would only go for rebecca's nipples because they're pierced and I like shiny things.
Saw my boss's vagina at that party. Hung over at work has never been more acceptable
I feel like butter and tequila would be excellent combination. Right now. Please do this in my name.
There was definitely a significant amount of cookie dough in my bra
No worries. On my way home to get ski poles and wipe the sick off my face. Then it's time to get drunk in the park
my mom just said "if you had sex with someone you don't really like I'm going to be so mad at you" HOW DOES EVERYBODY KNOW
he's spending the night tonight. if i can walk straight tomorrow i'll be pissed.
We're sitting on the kitchen floor drinking and talking about mounting real light sabers to the dog's head.
Very interesting. Let's just say I got home last night and threw up, found a joint in my bra, and woke up naked in my bed
That 2-CB was ass.
You mean the asprin cut with pez?
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