it felt great physically, but AWFUL morally.
I woke up this morning to 4 booty call texts. So i am trying to find the sign that says i like to sit on cocks so that i can take it off.
trust me, i wonder where that sign is on a daily basis.
I sold my books for weed money!
Finals don't start for a week...
this morning i woke up under the kitchen table. i went to my room and there was an inflatable whale in my bed with a banana duct taped to where its penis should be. there were trails of cheez-its around my apartment and i found $67 in the crotch of my underwear. im guessing i had a very happy birthday.
For some reason I just don't think you going to the gay bar alone on thanksgiving is a good idea.
Great I'll forever be branded as gym slut at the new gym.
This would be a good time to bring up the fact that my spider-man fork is MIA
Dude, you like sabotaged my shower time by walking in and eating a snack pack on the toilet. That's messed up on levels that haven't even been created.
Just found a pack of birth control on the corner of Oakland and Thomas, so if your desperate its up for grabs.
that's the best thing i've ever said to a penis
Mid stroke she told me she'd had bigger. Replied I could tell. Sex ended right at that moment.
It's like my life is one of those movies where after a bunch of outlandish events that only happen in a movie the girl realizes her true life calling and lives a great life with a sexy man of multiple races. But I'm stuck in the fucked up part where 25 year olds come in their pants.
I need to stop getting high and watching documentaries. Wanna go to Japan with me and protest the mass genocide of dolphins?
I met a guy last night who bought me a book on Amazon at the bar and then we had sex. Boners for books is a thing. Boom.
My phone has started autocorrecting "monogamy" to "monogamish"
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