With such a small dick you'd think he'd try to make up for it with some sort of personality.
Based on how hungover I feel today, it makes more sense that the bouncer didn't let me in to that bar.
I need input, can I pre-game my cat scan?
I'm at this kids house trying to figure out if I pissed in his kitchen new years eve. Lmao, stop letting me drink.
Except there is my pee all over the walls now
You always have that cute deer in the headlights look. Thats what made showing you my penis for the first time so disconcerting.
Peeing off the roof of a motel lighting a cigar with matches and speaking fluent spanish with a chilen exchange student...how do iget into these situations?
Well my dad thinks I wake up at 3 or 4 am every day. Really it is just all the booty calls, but I'm glad he thinks I am so motivated
While you wait, fill out your state patrol application. Not trying to be your mom, I just really want to fuck a cop.
in a last ditch attempt to make life awkward after i die today i want to be buried naked and have an open casket funeral.
Someone has big plans this weekend. Just went to throw away the trash and saw packaging for 3 different vibrators on the top of the stack
The groom's brother was an accomplishment. Then I remembered he was also the officiant. Check and check.
I wish I had a Tina from Bob's Burgers in real life. She would be the best wingman.
If walking through the neighborhood with a bottle of tequila and margarita mix is postgrad life, I'm okay with it
Something in me snapped and now I’m just googling famous vegans.
Randomize
