i bet jesus would rush if he went to usc
i feel like the prize bull at the rodeo. everybody got a ride, no one lasted more than 8 seconds and i'm pretty sure i kicked one of them in the ball sack
Also I am about to cut a ringtone from "Sex Machine" so James Brown can tell me to "get up, get on up" in the morning
I once woke up to the scream from 'get up offa that thing' and smacked my head on my desk
I was so hungover I threw up on her when she answered the door. i don't think it was a good first impression
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I feel like I'm back in highscool trying to hide my erections at work
He's married, a coworker, and a smoker. not sure which personal rule broken i'm most ashamed of...
Hey remember that thing i said about never apologizing for being a hot mess? Well that was before you found me drunk in the hallway with no pants.
hungover waitressing a bar association event. im being judged by actual judges.
i had a tequila and emotion induced one night stand with a random stranger. senior year: infinity me: 0.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I told him finishing at the same time would be a long-term project. Like flipping a house. A sexual house.
DON'T PUKE iN THE PRINGLES CAN, WHATEVER YOU DO!
I mean I just feel if I'm not being fat and lazy then I'm not really being myself
You were hitting on girls while wearing the banana suit. When they rejected you you yelled "I gotta split anyway."
Do not confuse my plans for being an adult though. I will ABSOLUTELY be practicing suturing, on my porch, while getting stoned.
My dad just invited me to smoke a blunt with him. Parent-child bonding at its finest (and highest).
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