He could be your dad!
We discussed that right before he asked for my number
Apparently on the way out of the ER i asked the nurse to doggie-bag me some more morphine.
I realized today that I should stop thinking so much with my vagina instead of my brain.
Please tell me this doesn't mean another "surprise road trip" where I spend all my money on gas and the SURPRISE destination is the abortion clinic.
But what if I pay for the gas?
i wish that every time i slipped on a sheet of ice i had the ability to recover with a michael jackson move
I didnt shave my beard last night, so I could feel it while Im shrooming today
I was literally just a half conscious dildo.
its 4am. im standing over him in my bed eating chinese food, on the phone with dan trying to convince him to break up with his gf. whoredom.
That amazing moment when the girl in the passenger seat decides to strip you while your driving.
you said you would race him to taco bell but you slipped in the parking lot and just laid there, crying
He made me brush his hair afterwards because it made him feel like a ken Barbie.
God I hope the sex was good.
He has a British accent. He could read me the phone book and I would come so hard he would need a wizened old man in a rowboat to save him.
not only was there glitter in the toilet after i peed, but there was some on the toilet paper after i wiped. this cant be healthy.
You think the guy at the speed wash knows he needs to scrub the vomit off the side of my car?
He knew.
I live in Vegas It shouldn’t be this hard to find a penis looking for a night of no strings attached sex
She’s the kind of asshole whose face I want to put on a T-shirt just so I can go outside and burn it.
Randomize
