The vibrating part of my dildo broke, now I have to rely on gyration.
Don't know whats worst me sharding on her a bit or her believing me when i told her she did it...
The paper boy just woke me up in the front yard again.
Missing a small section of hand. Hope your night is going better
definitely not taking the whole return culture shock so well...drinking a 100 proof rootbeer vodka float out of a german beer mass
Just watered mom's plants with leftover mixed drinks full of Bacardi Silver. I'm such a good daughter.
Given he decided my interview was a date, showed up drunk and insisted on carrying me everywhere, we weren't off to a good start.
I think people like me is why alcohol became illegal at one point
Duuuuuuuude, I need you to sleep with my girlfriend so I can tell you both to move out
I was gonna buy a KIA, but then I remembered how awesome the sex was in the back of a Hyundai so I went with that.
Please tell me those naked pics were not your mom. Lie if you have to.
Well in other news, my nipples are healing pretty well but next time I get drunk and decide to pierce something please for the love of god stop me!
It's like if you wanna bond just do a ropes course or have group sex you don't have to be weird about it
Can we climb Your roof?
No bitch its 2am go home.
Should I be concerned that he called me mom when I got in bed on top of him?
Randomize
