Hey sorry for feelin' up your date. Sadly, this is a mass txt.
this one can actually spell my name, that's a shoe-in
Going abroad, it was like my vagina was in a candy store... a sweet sweet british candy store
i know im back at school when i can poke any random spot on my body and expect a 80% chance that theres a bruise there
He fell asleep in the strip club and they paid some stripper $20 to sit on his face until he woke up.
The vodka told me to go iceskating on my frozen pool. I may have attempted.
I don't know. I was also picked up by the doormen and held over the bar so I could do an upside down shot out of a bartenders tits.
That's awesome and prob the first time you had an idea of what to do. I'm super proud of you Chelz
Its cos im stoned ! My high self is maturing
its not like i called off work either time for the purpose of tripping, it was more like well, i have nothing to do now today, there is acid and im only human.. but twice
Flatmate got laid for the first time in 3 years. I'm baking a cake.
How does one un superglue their foot to the floor
please remind me of this if i ever start out a night declaring my goal is to see how much american honey it takes for me to forget who i am again
For new year's, we should just keep our resolution simple and keep accomplishing burpees in heels.... while drunk.
See, this is why you don't do nice things for people. You'll get stuck in the snow and you won't catch a dick.
You're an adult now and it's your vagina. You should do what it or you wants.
Randomize
