On ecstasy, in Ikea. this is incredible.
I never once brought up his unibrow when he was insulting me. That's class.
Manscaping on you would be like trying to clean up the oil spill with a dixie cup.
she told me to hold the wheel while she hung out the sunroof and cursed the old lady behind us out.
Hippo gnu deer
the guy in the stall next to me, came in, farted, laughed, and proceeded to give himself some sort of hillbilly pep talk that included the phrase "big pussy".
You need to get here now. Before they realize I'm not puerto rican.
Just wanted you to know two things, 1st I sent the second thing to a broad ive been talking too. 2nd that was not just a fart.
You told me you had two boobs that want to be naked for me. I'm just following up on your request.
Today's goal is to get out of bed, before I take a shit. This might be hard
Pass or fail tho
I woke up to a shattered My Little Pony garbage pail, a black eye I don't know how I got and no one will look me in the face. Fuck tequila.
I fucked some frat guy. Then I found my brother after and made him take his shirt off and then I made him tell me he loves me
Didn't think the day of being the oldest in a club would be when I'm twenty one. Even the bouncer looked surprised when he ID me.
You guys go ahead and have your romantic night. I'm gonna keep my vday tradition alive of angry banging a stranger.
I kept screaming at his rabbit: "IT'S OKAY, YOU CAN HAVE SOME TRIX. FUCK THOSE SELFISH BITCHES."
Randomize
