I hope my future cuntsucker is that tight
you were convinced campus grass and foliage would give you your daily serving of vegetables to balance out the amount of alcohol you drank.
so I ended up banging her last night
dude I remember her. You sure it was a her?
i don't even remember
The first thing they saw when they walked in was all four of our std test's hangin on the fridge....i'd be worried if they didn't think we were sluts
Im going to buy a thermometer. If its above 104 im going to the hospital if its under 104 im going to the bar
There's somethin not right about having to take the batteries out of your 27 year old boyfriends gameboy to use in your vibrator
I just passed a truck with its bed lined with a tarp and filled with water with six dudes chilling in the back driving through campus. That looks fun.
Shit. I'm suppose to call the bank but I'm too high to talk numbers.
I'm going to miss hockey season. It was the best excuse to get drunk on a Tuesday night.
Ok let me just clear up this blowjob thing first so we can talk about your grandpa
I threw a dessert topping at a baby tonight so drink up! If you stay sober tonight I will be very disappointed in you.
You carved your initals into all my vitamins and said "now a small part of me will be in you every morning" before you fell asleep with my thong on your head.
HAMMERED.. I made a peanut butter and jelly sandwich with toilet paper instead of bread...
I just put on my bra while peeing. I fear this will be my big achievement of the day.
I don’t have the time, patience, or blood alcohol level to deal with her.
Randomize
