I'll bet she douches with gravy.
You were partners with her mom and you began calling her "the Robert Horry of beer pong" You also kept telling her that she was hotter than her daughter.
wait can you just look around please? that was my favorite bra and i've already asked like 3 other guys
I never once brought up his unibrow when he was insulting me. That's class.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
sitting on my lesbian neighbors couch, sexting, & eating a burrito.. that single
What the fuck am I going to do with a pinata full of tampons?
Perfect. And my grandma just called me and talked to me for eighteen minutes telling me that she was worried because of my Halloween costume that I'm not a Christian and that I'm not eating. Wtf.
Seriously? We dated for 2 weeks. TWO. And I've crushed his soul and put out the light in his dark world? What the actual fuck.
Yeah, well. That's what you get for dating a musician.
My goal is to not catch on fire... But if i have to dance im going to dance regardless of the danger
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Check the mailbox while you're out!
I already looked this morning. You go check and see what you won on Ebay after your day drinking spree.
During sex his mom asks from the other side of the door, "Do you like avocados?" Who doesn't like avocados?
I gave him a BJ and he left. Coincidentally that's the name of my memoir.
It's like she fell out of an MTV reality show and no one knows how to send her back
All I want is a wedding with a dress and a veil and where I can go and my cat can go.
drunkkkkk be here I heart you
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