3:26am: come over
you purposely dodge me and you could have stopped me from leaving, you know how far i live. YOU come over
4:11am: mnlodp
dude I don't understand hebrew and I'm not coming over
Sometimes I wonder if my friend studies mystic Christian theology because he's afraid to come out of the closet. Evidently, it's okay to talk about God coming inside you, but not to say the same about dudes.
It's a shame that I don't know his last name. Actually, it's an ever bigger shame that I don't know his first name
Dude, everyone in your family has slept with that girl. Her vagina is like the Hindu version of a Bar Mitzvah.
it only took me 1 hour to write 8 pages. i'm never doing school work without adderall ever again.
She just told me she blew the waiter in the bathroom. Should I still leave a tip?
He ripped off his shirt and tried to give me CPR. That damn bong.
after she rolled over and said 'i'm so glad you're like my gay best friend, love you' then left. did i just get friendzoned AFTER sex??
It was disgusting, and I would've rather licked the condensation off the windows instead, but I figured that's wasn't very ladylike
That was like a fiery explosion of flailing arms and wonderful passion
You were outside cuddling a rock singing Bohemian Rhapsody.
"I'm a professor to university students" I say as I realize I have a nipple piercing that I have no memory of getting
He's bringing a lesbian pretending to be his girlfriend to family Christmas. I can not wait to see how this goes.
You sent me a very drunk love letter
Was it the one about pterodactyls?
I was disappointed I thought you actually loved me
I'm too picky for internet dating and by picky I mean psycho.
Randomize
